Taking Her Back There Again

I’ve been thinking about how different people are, even those who come from the same parents.  I e-mailed my last blog post to my sister about the wild morning after the concert, the night she disappeared with one of the band members.  I raced my father to motel the next morning, who was ready to find her at all costs.  In reality, the only person in danger that morning was my Dad, who was ready to take on anyone who stood in his way.  Knowing what he was capable of, I know I got there just in time.  However, everyone understood the situation; a father with a missing daughter is probably the most dangerous creatures on earth.

My younger sister (now 60) and I have been e-mailing each other about this event.  I wasn’t sure what she’d think:

That is awesome!  I have blocked out all those horrifying details except for one and that is that nothing did happen, but talk. I left mom and dad a note saying i came home and left again but they said they didn’t see it. Maybe they just didn’t care and figured I could be in trouble. Who knows. It’s crazy now from the perspective of a parent how I see both sides. 

Thanks for always being there for me and especially that time!!

I’m glad I was there too.  I’m also glad she enjoyed reading my post.
This was the first time I’ve heard about any note left behind.  My sister has an excellent memory, but it does seem that she may have actually blocked out some of the “horrifying details”.  However, she informed me that she still has the stage pass from that night. Too bad she didn’t save the note!  It’s been at least forty years, so she must at least have some good connection to that day.
 I never discussed that morning’s scene again with either parent. I’m sure my sister’s own family knows nothing about this either.  On the other hand, my haphazard life has been an open book to both my wife and kids.  I asked, and both my girls remember hearing all about it.  They may know more about it than my sister does at this point.
I made a decision early in my children’s lives that I would never lie to them.  I admit, there were times when I changed the subject or gave out only the bits and pieces I thought they could handle.  Many people might disagree with my methods, but I feel that this policy of honesty has paid off.  Both of my daughters grew up to be better people than me, which is exactly what I had hoped for.  I’ve made a lot of good decisions in my life, and yes, plenty of not-so-good ones as well.  I believe that sharing my cautionary tales paid off.  Plus, they both trust me to tell it like it is.  And they know that I will!  I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Nowadays, unlike my sister, I hold back very little, but I don’t question her choice to keep things to herself.  It seems very strange to me to be  reminding her of the concert events, knowing that I probably remember it all more clearly than she does. I actually treasure these memories; she has, to some extent, pushed them away.  I’m happy to serve as the one thorn in her side, bringing it back to reality, and possibly as the only one who knows the real her.





12 thoughts on “Taking Her Back There Again

    1. Ralph, I realize this is a deep subject, but I totally agree with you. Of course with children, you need to pick and choose which facts that really need to be be shared, but still, you should never lie to them. It’s not necessary, and it’s my belief that they will end up not trusting you if they know you stretched, modified or neglected to tell them the truth. In the case of my girls, I simply answered the few questions they asked as gently as I could. I let them know early that I wasn’t perfect, and they respected my honesty, and didn’t dig a lot deeper (whew!).

      Thank-you for your support, Ralph. I think I handled it the best I could and don’t have any regrets about it at all.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Des, you were meant to be at that critical moment your father arrived on the scene, when he was ranting and raving about his missing daughter.
    You are right, a truthful disposition towards all things is paying off in the long run. Besides, there are many ways to tell the truth, but there are two that one should be aware of, the first is to present it with a spiteful mind out to hurt the recipient, the second to present it with genuine love and empathy. How often has truth brought misery and distress. And how often has truth presented the right way also brought peace and reconciliation. The choice is ours.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. All good points, Peter. It was fun to re-visit this episode from so long ago. I’m just glad that my sister like my re-telling of her story. Sometimes I really wish she would try blogging, she’d have some great stories.
      Thanks for reading my follow-up and for your insights. Des

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I remember a conversation we had about memory. The things that get incorporated in, the things that get written out over time…

    My favourite part is her thanking you for always being there for her. What does it matter what the reality of that night was? The take away message is a good one. Your dad being protective (my dad, brother, husband, some friends…. are exactly the same with me), you coming to the rescue, your sister knowing that you all care. I’m glad you get on so well with your sister & it sounds like you have a great relationship with your girls.

    “Bringing her back to reality”, which is only a construct of our interpretation of events anyway. We all have different impressions of the same event. I don’t believe in absolute truth. I sometimes wonder with my own brother if I actually know who he is now, as I view him through the filter of childhood / teenage / twenties adult experience & memory. It’s an interesting thought.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Family members can indeed be very different. I have very little in common with either of my sisters, even though we are very close in age. As for telling kids the truth, I think that is a good idea. We did it also, with the same restrictions: I didn’t give them information they weren’t old enough to handle. I think it’s okay to tell kids you don’t want to talk about something, or that you don’t want to share the details. That’s honest, and it also protects them. And it has the added bonus that if I asked them a direct question, I got an honest answer in return. I think being raised in an honest environment actually helped them.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. My sister and I are very different too, but we share an interesting past that only we understand. Maybe that’s why we’re still close. And thanks for sharing your thoughts on honesty and kids. I think we pretty much did the same thing you two did, and I’m happy with the outcome. They are too, which is really the important part. Thanks Ann!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Not many people know this story, so I’m glad I’m here to remind her. I tried to remember it exactly the way it happened. She really seemed to enjoy my post, which made me happy. Thank-you, and you’re right, I am blessed.

      Liked by 1 person

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